When You Can't Remember Exactly What Happened After a Stressful Situation

Memory loss due to dissociation during an experience of direct aggression is a complex psychological phenomenon, where the mind employs an extraordinary self-protection mechanism. It occurs when a person encounters an overwhelming or traumatic event, such as physical or verbal aggression, and their mind protects itself by disconnecting from the reality of the situation. This disconnection can lead to gaps in memory or even complete amnesia for the event. Here's how this works:

How Dissociation Leads to Memory Loss

Psychological Defence Mechanism: Dissociation is a defence mechanism that kicks in when the mind perceives a situation as too overwhelming or traumatic to process in real-time. It's like the mind “shutting down” to protect itself from the intense emotional and physical stress.

Fragmented Memory Encoding: During dissociation, the normal process of encoding memories in the brain can be disrupted. The brain might not process the event in a linear or coherent way, leading to fragmented or incomplete memories. These fragments can be disjointed, with some details missing or distorted.

Altered Consciousness: When a person dissociates, they might feel detached from themselves, as if they are observing the event from outside their body (depersonalization) or that the world around them isn't real (derealization). This altered state of consciousness can interfere with the brain's ability to form new memories, resulting in gaps.

Stress Hormones: High levels of stress hormones, like cortisol, are released during traumatic events. While these hormones are meant to help the body cope with stress, they can also impair the hippocampus, the brain region responsible for creating and retrieving memories. This can lead to difficulty in recalling details of the event later on.

Types of Memory Loss Due to Dissociation

Localized Amnesia: The person might forget specific details or entire parts of the traumatic event. For instance, they might remember the beginning of the confrontation but have no memory of what happened afterward.

Selective Amnesia: The person may remember certain aspects of the aggression but not others. For example, they might recall the verbal aggression but not the physical contact, or they might remember the setting but not the people involved.

Generalized Amnesia: In more extreme cases, the person may forget all personal details or even who they are for a short period, although this is rare.

Continuous Amnesia: Memory loss may extend beyond the event itself, where the person has difficulty remembering events that occurred before or after the aggressive incident.

Impact on the Individual

Emotional Detachment: Along with memory loss, the individual might feel emotionally numb or detached from the experience. This can make it difficult for them to process their emotions related to the event or to understand why they are reacting in certain ways afterward.

Flashbacks and Intrusive Memories: Even though parts of the event might be forgotten, the person could still experience flashbacks or intrusive memories. These are sudden, vivid recollections of the trauma that can feel as if the event is happening all over again.

Difficulty in Retrieval: Sometimes, memories of the traumatic event might resurface later on, either spontaneously or through triggers. However, these memories can be fragmented or confusing, making it hard for the person to piece together the full narrative of what happened.

Long-Term Effects

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Dissociative amnesia can be a symptom of PTSD, where the memory loss is accompanied by other symptoms like hypervigilance, avoidance, and intense emotional reactions.

Memory loss due to dissociation during direct aggression is a protective response by the brain but can lead to long-term psychological challenges, requiring careful and supportive therapeutic intervention.

In my work with clients who have experienced traumatic events, I use a three-phase trauma model. Phase 1 focuses on safety and stabilization. Together, we will explore and understand the effects of trauma in the present moment, while also learning self-soothing techniques and managing post-traumatic symptoms triggered by everyday events. We will collaborate to find what works best for you.

In Phase 2, once we both feel you're ready, we will use EMDR, EFT tapping, or other therapeutic methods to help you process troubling past experiences.

Phase 3 is about integration and moving forward with your life.